Archive | May 2012

Experiencing the feminine in the simple activities of life


This is Robin and I know its been while since I contributed to Denae’s blog. Denae has resumed contributing to it and so I took a break from it. Its actually hard to contribute to a blog on a regular basis.

In the interim I have  had lots of time out en femme, but most of the activities have been pretty ordinary. There have been no trips to the symphony, ballet, or faires. Instead I have been doing the ordinary tasks of life but in my prefered “femme” image. As I have mentioned previously, I have come to value such times even more than events like the symphony since they are more like real life and not just “dressing up.” I have developed a nice wardrobe of T-shirts and jeans that are perfect for “real life” and living like every other female. Add in some boots, sandals, sweaters,  and ponchos and one can create some great looks. Its been ages since I wore a skirt but I have found that T-shirts and jeans can be just as feminine. It has more to do with the presentation than the actual clothes. I now have all these skirt suits and dresses hanging in my closet that never get worn. I gave away probably 5 bags of clothes recently (and I could hardly tell anything was different in my closet!!).

So what ordinary things have I been doing? I have had lunch probably 5 times with one of my female friends who knows and accepts Robin. We have just gone to sandwich shops and similar places. Nothing fancy but its been fun.

I went to a regular hair stylist to get a wig trimmed. My favorite one was suffering from overuse and was shedding handfuls of hair everytime I brushed it. I found several nice human hair wigs on ebay and bought them but they needed styling. I called wig shops and none were interesting in cutting a human hair wig and so I looked around for a regular sylist. I found one who who would do it and went to the studio in her home. I had to wait weeks since she is evidently very busy. I met her and she trimmed it nicely. She treated me very nicely and all went well. There is almost nothing to report. I am heading back since the wig I purchased is not what I hoped it would be and so I will have her work on another.

My most recent outing was going grocery shopping for a sick friend. The woman with whom I had lunch became ill  and was laid up for several weeks. She had been unable to drive since the medicine she was taking made it unsafe to do so and the store is too far away to walk to. I asked her if she needed someone to go to the store and she said she did and so I volunteered. I met her at her home and we made a list. I drove to the nearby Safeway and filled the cart with items on her list. In the process I chatted with clerks and other customers. It all was completely normal, no rudeness, no weird looks, just another woman doing the shopping. Is there anything experience more typically female than grocery shopping? The checkout clerk even asked me if I needed help with the cart.

My friend is doing better but the shopping experience really reminded me that we often better experience the feminine in the simple activities of life. In some ways they are a lot more scary since it is the real world rather than some extented TG closet but it is also a lot more satisfying. Getting the oil in your car changed while en femme may not seem as exciting as dancing the night away in some TG club but it is a lot more real.

A Fun Evening at the Ballet

Hi Ladies

One of the regular readers of this blog sent me the following story of her evening at the ballet. It sounds like she had a great time. If any of you have similar stories, please send them to me.




I always enjoy your posts on girls going out for an evening and it was two years ago that one of Robin’s posts got me over the top to go out to the Performing Arts Center for the ballet. I had a wonderful time and have done it several times since then, but always by myself. I think we are all a bit self conscious when we are out alone and spend a fair amount of time wondering what other people are thinking. When you are out with someone, however, you are distracted by your interaction and don’t have time to speculate on what other people are thinking and are therefore more relaxed and natural. Anyway, I recently had an opportunity to go to the ballet again, but with someone and I thought I would tell you about it so you could post it on your blog if you think it worthwhile. I am also including a photo that you can also use if you like (Lisa is on the left, I am in the middle and Stacy is on the right).

I have developed a very close friendship with my hair stylist, Stacy, and since we both love ballet (I used to dance – but now have bad knees and she still takes class from time to time) we have been trying for over a year to get our schedules to synch up so we could go together to a performance.  All the stars finally lined up last week for the opening night of American Ballet Theater’s visit to Orange County.  To make it even more interesting, Stacy had a close friend, Lisa, who also loves ballet and who wanted to go as well. I had never met Lisa so this was a great opportunity for me to interact with someone new over an extended period of time.  We got our tickets and made dinner reservations at the restaurant right at the Segerstrom Center for the Arts. The day before, I was able to squeeze in a visit to Stacy in her professional capacity as my hair stylist.  I have had a tendency to have my hair done up as much as I can (it being a wig and all) but this time we decided to have it down with just soft waves (you can see in the photo).  We both thought it looked very soft and feminine so I will probably keep it this way for a while.  We arranged to meet in a shopping center about half way between our homes, leave one car and then go get Lisa who lived only about a block from our meeting place.  On Thursday afternoon, I managed to get off work in time to get home and change without being too time constrained.  I wore a dark red sheath dress under a black blazer (both were velvet plush material, fitted and much more conservative than they sound). With the outfit I wore a simple string of pearls and pearl earrings and a pair of black pumps with 2.5″ heels (there was some walking involved, but I have done it before with these shoes and can handle it without any problems).  Once I was all ready, I called Stacy and she was just leaving home, so I jumped in my car and headed to our rendezvous.  When I parked in the shopping center, I immediately realized the potential flaw in our plans – I am so 20th (or is it 19th) century – I do not have a cell phone. As soon as I leave home, I am out of contact with the world.  Fortunately, Stacy was right ontime and we decided to go in my car as she still had her surfboard in hers.  As we were driving over to pick up Lisa, we spotted her out walking her dog in her evening outfit.  Both Stacy and Lisa are soooo Laguna Beach.  Anyway, after she put the dog back inside her house, she hopped in and we were off.  Lisa turned out to be a very sweet and interesting companion.  On the way we talked about movies, vitamins, health, spirituality, pets and annoying adult children (Lisa’s and Stacy’s, not mine).  In all to me it sounded like an entirely normal conversation that three girlfriends out for a night on the town would have – nothing forced or awkward.  Lisa was a jewel and had no problems reacting to me as just another girl.  What a wonderful feeling and a great validation.

Because we left a bit early (for our dinner reservation time), when we got to the Performing Arts Center, the parking structure was still functioning as parking for the office buildings in the area.  This meant there was no event parking ticket sales person there to collect $10, so we just punched the machine and took a ticket.  The bottom line here was that we got free parking as there is no one to collect after the evening events are over.  Now we know – if you go early enough, parking is free!!  We walked over to the restaurant where we were about an hour early for our reservation.  They gave us our pick of any table and we chose one right up against the massive window wall that looks out over the quadrangle between the various arts venues (great for people watching – you can see it behind us in the picture).  Our waiter told us that it would be a relaxed evening as they would not be that crowded.  Boy was he wrong, as there were two perfomances going on that night and ours was an opening night that included a world premier.  An hour and a half later the place was packed and we barely made it out in time for our performance even though we started an hour early.  Of course part of that was our own fault – we spent about an hour tasting several wines before we selected the bottle of Willamet Valley Pinot Noir that our waiter had suggested at the beginning.  We must have been driving him nuts and I am sure he thought we were three very ditzy girls.  For dinner, Stacy had a large salad and we split a seared tuna appetizer.  Lisa and I had rissoto for our main course and then the three of us split a dessert of several sorbets.  We had a great time watching people arrive (including the ballet company in two large buses).  It appears that turquoise blue is the evening dress color of choice this year – we must have seen 6 or 7.  As we rushed to leave, I left my credit card and they had to chase me down to return it.  Nevertheless we made it in time to find our seats and make a quick visit to the ladies room.  Our seats were in the first balcony (tier) and were great. 

The program was a repertory one that included three ballets.  In the first half was a Merce Cunningham ballet – Duets – modern in style (no point), no stagework or lighting, only colorful costumes. The most interesting aspect of it was the music by John Cage. It was almost entirely percussion – very powerful and driving. By the end the whole audience was tired so much energy had been expended.  The next ballet was a more traditional non-story ballet called Thirteen Diversions.  It was very reminiscent of Balanchine and it featured some very dramatic lighting effects.  At the intermission we all rushed to the ladies room again and managed to beat the crowd.  Lisa then went off to wander around and people watch while Stacy and I went back to our seats.  We talked for a while with the lady sitting next to Stacy and then Stacy’s old dance instructor showed up and it turned out he had seats in our row so she went and talked to him and his wife until time for the curtain.  The second half of the evening was a world premier staging of Firebird.  It was beautiful and exceptionally well danced – I think ABT is at its best when they are doing the fully staged story ballets and this was no exception (though as a story, if you do not know the Russian Fairy tale that Firebird is based on, you will never figure it out from watching the ballet).  All in all it was a wonderfully enjoyable and entertaining evening with really great dancing.  We were all in such a good mood when we left that we promised each other that we would do this again as often as we could.  I would really like to have a small circle of girlfriends that I could do evenings out and shopping etc. with – kind of like Sex in the City without all the boyfriend issues and this seems like a very good start.  Anyway we will be keeping in touch and will see where this leads.  All in all it was a truly remarkable evening where I enjoyed just being me with two wonderful friends and I do not recall a single moment where I had any doubts or self consciousness.  What a great time!

Susans Place A New Resource Page…Excellent And A L:ot Of Hard Work

I always attempt to keep up with great TG Resource sites, to direct you  for help. Today, I found Susans Place, which has support group locations, help, chat. Goggle her. I think you should book mark her in the future, if you need help with a particular subject matter!


Mirror Work For Helping TG Women

Dear Claudia- I received so many comments back on this post–I am going to post it again, for those who may have missed it. Please ccomment back, what you like about it, and what it really states about you as tg women. If you wiill ask me a comment, I am getting  better at answering. Herewith the article I wrote.

Mirror Behavior For TG Women

15 Mar 2012 2 Comments

by femimage in Fashion Tips For The Transgendered Woman Tags: [Edit]

I was recently at a cocktail party, and an interesting person asked about my work. They discussed “Mirror Behavior”.  Goggle for details, but I am very interested in….how this will help the new Trans woman, with her movement. I found about 5 sites on Goggle, full of information.

To apply to how to look more feminine, herewith a  few “jewels” I found.

1. Leaning foward towards the person speaking to you. (shows interest in him or her).

2. Straighten your jewelry, or move your hair.

3. Make direct eye contact and do not look at anyone else in the room. Show him interest. All of us are quilty of doing this. However, when you’re interested in dating someone…this is very important.

4. Act shy. Okay all males. This is important, Don’t take control. This is probably the one personality issue, my clients have the most difficulty changing. Leave the controlling  personality at work, or at least at home.

5.Keep a prolonged look (but do not make them uncomfortable).

6. Practice not blinking. In fact, practice your facial “looks, smiles, eyes, teeth, etc. before you begin going out, so you get comfortable with your new image. Learn to listen, and look the person in the eyes–they are the only person in the room–don’t glance at everyone that walks by.Try licking your lips SOME, but don’t over-do.  Stroke your arm or neck with a finger, stroking is hypnotic!

7. Ask the other person, about themselves. Wait until they ask about you…before you mention very much abouut yourself.

8. Women are comfortable with more space  between them…than men are. Generally about 2 feet.

9. When you shake hands, keep your hand shake light, and keep your fingers and skin soft. If you like him, put your other hand…softly on top of his. Remember, to oil your hands at night, some  women have hands which are very hard–due to their work. Keep those toes soft, with warm water and lotion. Fresh toe nail polish if you’re goinjg out, with fresh panties and bra. Nothing old or stained! Save your “pretty” garments for going out. Panty shields also help. I suggest Mitchum underarm, for male and female. Odor just can’t get through.

10 And, be sure and lean into them briefly when you are introduced or say hello. Then, step back slightly. Now, it’s his move!  If you don’t get a response, then move on, we have all been rejected.

11. Remember their name!

12. This is a must, keep your new feminine voice soft. Use the feminine gestures, I taught you in my  Vol 3 (Gestures When Speaking) You can find this at  click on DVDs and look for Vol 3.

Keepyour wrist broken, and wear nail polish and nails which are shaped nicely. Wear a very light perfume, a strong perfume is for the old ladies! Pick items up with your finger tips, don’t grab the glass or fork. Take slow bites,

 Try to point your toes, towards your date.! Also, try to point your toes and knees, in the same direction. Move your shoulders, a lot! Tilt your head and did I say, Lick Your Lips!!

Wig Length ! The Best For TG Women

I recently ran a test, on how the lenth of a wig determined how well a girl blended. I bought a darling short wig, from Breast Form Store. To my surprrise, the shorter wigi blended in better than the longer wigs. Now, I’m not talking about “your grandmothers’s wig”– but a very new more modern or even “edgy” cut .

 If you have any long wigs you no longer wear, take it to your hair stylist and tell her you will not hold her responsible if it doesn’t work out (hair stylist will not cut a wig if you didn’t buy it from them) however iby telling  her it is an old wig   that you no longer like, and release  her of af all   finacial responsibility- many will take these longer wigs and cut them into updated, fun short wig.s Take in a few photos of short styles of women, so she understands what you want. I did this  re4cently, and I am familar with my hair stylist, which helps, and she cut the long wig, on my head–to match the photo. And, I love it–no one even knows who I am.  So, find a stylist,– tip her well always–if she takes care of you, and as you develope a relationship with her– ask her to cut your older, long wigs, with no liability. I was going to toss my anyway, so I only had a little cash to lose, but gained a wig that is real human hair-which looks so fun and even sporty to wear out during the day.

For TG women it is essential to devekope good relationships with your hair stylist (who knows your tg) and a makeuip artist at a store, and someone in the wardrobe dept. Tip them well, or take in a little gift. I tip my hair dresser–she is more important than my mailman or doctor!



. Take in some photos of short wigs to givef her an ifrss, and bring a new life to one of your old wigs!! You can be many womren —and on a budget1!!