Hello FB Girls, from Denae Doyle of FemImage. I wrote this article about 10 years ago and it is still a very popular article–as it covers many topics and helps the new girls or a review for a girl who may need a little kick in the bum–to work on a few areas.
0700You have spent hours putting on your makeup, doing your hair, pulling and taping yourself into hip pads, panty hose, gaff, and hair. Now, you’re ready to go out and enjoy yourself en femme decked out in your best outfit from head to toe. So, why are you getting those “guy-in-a-dress” second glances when you walk into a room or down the street? “It must be my voice,” is the response I generally hear from a majority of my TG clients.
You have spent hours putting on your makeup, doing your hair, pulling and taping yourself into hip pads, panty hose, gaff, and hair. Now, you’re ready to go out and enjoy yourself en femme decked out in your best outfit from head to toe. So, why are you getting those “guy-in-a-dress” second glances when you walk into a room or down the street? “It must be my voice,” is the response I generally hear from a majority of my TG clients.
A masculine voice can certainly give you away in an instant, but often you haven’t said a word! What is giving you away in that first three-second impression? By far the most common factor is that despite all your best efforts to look feminine, you are still moving like a male! It’s not your newest hair, makeup, or wardrobe that needs a makeover, but the way you walk and gesture, and how you coordinate your gestures with your new feminine voice. In this article, I will focus on creating feminine movement and body language, and next month I will focus on explaining techniques for a feminine voice and how to successfully blend the voice and gestures together. In my experience, I have found these are the two most important factors, in presenting a truly unique and authentic feminine persona. And, I have first hand experience with outside coaching, in how you’re perceived by others; in short it is the quintessential factor in “not getting read”.
There is a distinctly feminine way to move and hold yourself, and a distinctly male mode of being in the world. I explain to my clients that the secret to changing others’ perception of your gender is to learn the technique I teach called “Balanced Movement,” which has two parts: a conscious shift in how you carry your weight from your upper shoulders and arms to the pelvic and hip area, and then coordinated head, face, hand, and body movement. Balanced Movement is the secret to feminine poise, and having natural feminine poise and gestures is essential to presenting an authentic feminine image.
From my experience in coaching hundreds of serious TG women (many going through their one-year real life test) I have found that poise, like voice, requires the most practice and training to learn well. Yes, you can spend a fortune having others sell you clothes, and pay to have your makeup and hair done, and even have plastic surgery, but only you can put in the time and practice required to change your voice and body language and successfully blend them together into an authentic feminine presentation. And, while voice is very important, an authentic feminine poise can offset much, if not all, of your masculine voice. Once your feminine poise has been achieved, the clothes and makeup will provide the finishing touch of looking and truly feeling beautiful.
What Factors Are Important To Developing Feminine Poise?
1. Weight Drop
Men typically carry their weight in their arms and shoulders and tend to lean forward, or they carry their weight very low and exhibit a “heavy” walk. Either way, mentend to tend to carry their weight in an unbalanced fashion.
This is a particularly masculine poise and can give away even the most well dressed TG woman. Fashion models and beauty contestants, on the other hand, learn early in their training to keep their shoulders pulled back and chest lifted up. This certainly applies to the TG woman who tends to be “top” heavy.
By learning to center your weight in your hips and pelvis and keep your shoulders back and chest out, you will find that your feet are lighter when touching the floor and your overall presentation is much more feminine. Your feminine poise should look as if you had an imaginary string in the top of your head lifting you up straight and pulling the energy field of your body and face upward. Pulling your weight up, with an imaginary energy pulling your weight up and out of your feet, will create a lighter, look, and help you look pounds thinner. Your feet are lighter, when they have no weight in them.
2. Delicately Swinging Arms
Swinging your arms from your shoulders (as men do) may be another behavior that is giving you away. Let your arms rest gently down the side of your legs allowing for a natural delicate swing from your elbows. TG women should practice keeping their elbows turned outward to create a shorter arm or touching if you have thinner arms, let them touch your torso. Not having space between your elbows and torso keeps you in a smaller capsule of Space, thus appearing more feminine. Keeping your thumbs pulled in towards your fingers in lightly and always keeping your fingers cupped will help large hands appear more petite and graceful. I have some of my taller clients, actually let their arms swing behind them and protect all the energy in their face, eyes and a big smile when approaching someone. You want to take the attention away from any area you’re not comfortable with.
3. Head and Chin Up and Forward
If your head or chin leads, you will appear less feminine. This is related to the masculine manner of leaning forward. When your head is down your shoulders will slump forward and your hands will fall in front of our body preventing a feminine silhouette. Graceful women walk with their heads back and tilted, keeping their chin parallel to the floor, and their weight centered in their pelvis.Keeping your feet light, you can lift them and use the pointed toe to be very feminine and sezy. I coach my TG women to create a feminine silhouette by learning to stand and walk with their weight back and allowing their hips, heads, and hands to be more expressive in communicating balanced female movements.
4. Fluid Movement in Head and Neck
Often a new TG woman (especially when she is wearing a wig) will hold her head very upright and rigid. As this more rigid body language is an instant give away, it is essential to practice fluidly tilting your head and using your facial features to express emotion. A few examples I teach are: using eye contact while exchanging smiles, raising and lowering your eyebrows; blinking more often; while talking, move your body more in your chair, touching different parts of your thigh or arm while gently moving hair away from your face; move your lips and mouth forward; sit with your body legs crossed tilted sideways in your chair, and remember to point and face and towards the other person; and, expose your wrist or palm to the person you are interested in.Stroking your skin -with the tips of your fingers- will say, I am interested in you. Stroking your skin is very sexy if your interested in grabbing a mans eyes. His eyes will follow your hands!
5. Coordinated Expressive Movement
Why are some women so graceful while others seem totally unable to express their femininity and/or sensuality? Actually, it’s simple and can be learned. Here’s a clue. Poised women tend to have more expressive face, hands, and speech patterns, and they are coordinated with other bodily movements. Graceful women will always move more than one body part at a time: this could be a tilt of her head and shoulder while her hand lightly touches her thigh as she crosses her legs. Graceful women will use a simple head tilt while slowly stroking their fingers and gracefully changing into a different hand position. In moding, it is called Balanced Movement. The more you move different body parts very coordinated, creates what you want…..being GRACEFUL In the beginning try stroking your legs–while you cross them…and then try tilting the head. Any combination, is what works for you. What you don’t want that screams Guy In A Dress is a box body language. Then practice speaking and listening to others while you tilt in your seat, lifting a shoulders, finger tip touching a necklance or touching your hair. You can work with a 4 or 5 point movement, and still look feminine yet sophisticated. Remember, making eye contact, and lightly touching your legs. This is very soothing, and men love it!
Other examples: while conversing with you, she rests an elbow in the palm of one hand, while holding out her other hand wrist broken, palm up; while listening to you speak she gently leans forward and slowly lowers her face, eyes and lightly puckers her lips; while walking confidently she shakes her head back and forth and perhaps gracefully pulls her hair out of her wind blown face, tossing it to one side. This is the grace and poise that sends men jumping from their chairs to catch a glimpse of the beautiful woman walking by. Feminine poise and grace can be learned and will enable you to express the authentic femininity you feel inside –far more than the typical clothing or makeup everyone uses. Makeup up the movement points that work for you. I love S Curves, while others prefer C Curves, anything but crossed legs that showlarger legs while sitting in a box. I always sit, in a dress before I leave. This enables me to see if my panty hose shows at the top, or if that is one dress that might be to tight to cross my legs…to wear that dress but keep your feet on the floor and use upper body stroking points, jewelry strokes, or perhaps hair stokes.
Feminine poise isn’t just something all genetic women naturally posses. When I was in high school, I was a Wallflower, looking down, leaning forward, and walking as if I carried the weight of the world. With professional training and devoted practice, I overcame my unfeminine mannerisms and went on to model on television while still attending high school.
What I learned in high school about poise, and have been perfecting for many years as a professional consultant to fashion models and beauty pageant contestants, I can teach to you. With the proper training and practice, you too can begin to walk more gracefully, stand more regally and become more confident with each excursion into the public, knowing you will never again give off the impression of “guy in a dress.”
If you need a mentor and consultant in the feminine image business, I am your gir! FemImage.com
For girls unable to visit CA, I will be speaking on Movement and Voice at Southeren Comfort 2012 3 week in Sept. This is a great place to meet other girls, and to hear the best…in their lectures.