Creating A More Feminine Personaliy

Types, from the Dr. Phil Show today. Oct 22, 2010 show.

Hi everyone, welcome to my FI blog.

In working with serious TG women, many who are considering full time transition, I have noticed some male to female clients…have stronger, more black and white personality types. When in their feminine presentation, this personality type can come across more controlling, less passionate, and often gets in the way of my training.


Today, I watched this show on Dr. Phil, describing

The Five Personalithy Traits by Dr. Sam Gosling, from the Univ of Texas at Austin.

Do you feel, both men and women have the same personality traits, or does one gender generally have more of certain personality traits —due to nature and/or nuture And, can a serious transitioning TG woman work towards changing more male personality traits? If not, does this affect their success and new life? I truly don’t know, and I would love to hear your input and anyone who has transitioned, if this has been an issue/ or if hormones do change some or all, or none of this? Lets discuss this, I am very open—as I often reach a WALL with certain personality types, and have not understood it, until watching this show. Question- Does this apply to transition?

Dr. Sam Gosling is a professor of psychology at the University of Texas and author of Snoop: What Your Stuff Says about You. He explains, “Snoop is about how we can express ourselves, both deliberately and unconsciously, in the spaces around us, and, in turn, how you can look at spaces around people and figure out what they’re like. Some of it they want to tell you, and they’re being authentic when they do that, but some of the things they tell you accidentally, just by the way they leave their objects on their desk, and organize their books and so on.”


“It seems like there is a real consensus that there are five big factors that describe personality right now,” Dr. Phil says. “I’m not saying that it’s perfect. Those five characteristics are openness, conscientiousness, extroversion, agreeableness, and neuroticism.”


Dr. Gosling describes the five personality traits:

  • Openness
    “Imagine that you go into a restaurant. Are you the type of person, when you get the menu, who points to the thing you’ve never seen and say, ‘I’ll have that, whatever it is,’ or are you the sort of person who says, ‘I don’t even need to open the menu. I’ll have the spaghetti. I like what I know. I know what I like. Bring me the spaghetti’?” he asks.
  • Conscientiousness
    “Conscientiousness is more about people who think before they act. They plan,” Dr. Gosling says. “Are you the sort of person who only replaces the toilet roll when it runs out, or do you get some beforehand?”
  • Extroversion
    “These people tend to be more dominant. They tend to be more active, and they really get energized by people,” Dr. Gosling explains. “Many people can come to a party, but afterward, you can really tell between the introverts and the extroverts, because the introverts need to go sit down and be alone for a bit to decompress, whereas the extroverts are energized by it.”
  • Agreeableness 
    “It’s really people who are warm, sympathetic, versus people who are going to tell it to you bluntly, and they’re not going to try to hide their feelings. They’re going to be direct with you,” Dr. Gosling says.
  • Neuroticism
    This trait relates to stability, stress and worry. “It depends on what kind of a world you live in. If you’re in a world full of threats, then it’s good to be very alert to threats. If you’re in a safe world, which most of us are now, then you can get very anxious and worried, worrying about things that aren’t actually threats to you,” Dr. Gosling explains.

Review: The Skin That I Live In

After much consideration I decided to see the film, The Skin That I Live In. I originally had some reservations about it because of concerns about sexual violence and the concept of forced feminization. As it turns out neither concern was justified. It is not really a horror film about transgenderism and the violence is actually pretty tame. If I had to summarize the film, I would say it is really more like a Greek tragedy than anything else. All the major characters in the film meet tragic ends due in some way to their own misdeeds and failings but the consequences of their actions seem somewhat out of proportion to the misdeeds. I found  it difficult to hate or despise most of them, although much of what they did was reprehensible. In some sense they they are as much victims as victimizers. I found the overall sense of the film to be very somber, that there were really no winners, only losers.  I found it to be a good film, not a great one, but a very good one that was very rewarding to watch. It was a very different movie that what I expected given the interview with the director in Salon.

Spoiler Alert: the following review contains lots of details of the movie. If you prefer to learn what happens by yourself  in the movie, stop reading here.


The film itself is rather long (132 minutes) and begins slowly. It is in Spanish with English subtitles. Like films such as Pulp Fiction the order of events in the film is not sequential and events in different time periods are mixed together to establish the background of the story. I found the first hour of the film to be sort of slow and felt like they could have cut 10 minutes of it out without too much of a loss. Much of the first hour introduces the two major characters: Dr Ledgard (played by Antonio Banderas) and Vera (played by Elena Anaya). From all appearances Vera is a victim of medical experiments performed by Dr Ledgard which are designed to produce very durable artificial skin. Vera does not seem to be abused, just kept imprisoned against her will.

As the story unwinds, the history of Dr Ledgard and Vera becomes more evident and the simple morality of human experimentation begins to unravel. Ledgard is a gifted surgeon who is slowly driven mad by the tragic and violent deaths of his wife and daughter. His mother describes him as born insane but it seems more of a recent development.

Vera was once Vincent who was sort of restless young man who worked in his mother’s dress shop and spent his free time partying while in a drugged stupor. He seemed not to be a  really evil guy, just sort of a stupid one who allows the drugs to lead him into raping Ledgard’s daughter.

Other characters include Dr Ledgard’s mother worked as a servant much of her life, until some unspoken crime lead to some jail time.

Ledgard’s deceased wife is severely burned in a car accident while running away with Ledgard’s half brother. Despite Ledgard’s best efforts at saving her, she ultimately commits suicide after seeing the extent of her injuries. Ledgard at first is inspired by her death to begin work on the artificial skin but as the film goes on his intentions become more complex and distorted.

Ledgard’s daughter, Norma, is first driven made at the sight of her dead, disfigured mother and again after being raped by Vincient. She too commits suicide. She is the true innocent of the film.

The second half of the movie explores the history of Ledgard and Vincient/Vera and how their lives became intertwined and then began to unravel, eventually leading to the deaths of multiple people. This is clearly the most interesting part of the film.

The transgendered element was present throughout the movie, although it was not until well into the second half of the movie that it became evident. It was presented in an almost clinical manner . It is a key part of the story but not treated in a sensational or crude manner. Dr Legard turns Vincient into Vera, seemingly as revenge for the attack upon his daughter and her subsequent death. His motivation is unclear though, perhaps even to himself. At first it seems to be about revenge but as his madness begins to consume him, it becomes both a scientific and personal quest to recover the wife he has lost.  He turns Vincient into a copy of his wife, right down to her facial appearance and begins to fall in love with his creation. It is a very disturbing but also sort of pathetic transition for him. He despises his daughter’s rapist but also loves the woman he has created from the rapist. He even begins to assume that Vera really loves him. For me it was more tragic than anything else. He is clearly gifted but is also arrogant enough to try to recreate that which he has lost by any means possible and then blind enough to believe Vera really loves him.

Vincient’s forced transformation into Vera is equally troubling. He seems oddly accepting of it, almost passively going along with it. I think this part is the most unbelievable part of the story. A virile young man is forcibly transformed into a woman and seems to adopt into the role without much resistance. The actress who play Vera  (different from the actor who plays Vincient) is a beautiful woman with amazing eyes. She plays the role of Vera without a hint of Vincient’s underlying masculinity though. We are asked to believe that an unwilling young man could be turned into an incredibly feminine woman in a period of a few years. It is like Dr Ledgard operated on Vincient’s psyche as well as his body. It is sort of a ideal outcome of the postop experience.  Vera early on rejects all makeup but appears in every scene with impecable makeup. Her hair is perfectly styled and moves and talks as would a genetic woman. It makes Vera more attractive (and sympathetic) but  much less believable as someone who has undergoing a forced sex change. It as if Vincient had been willingly absorbed by Vera.

At the same time, Vincient/Vera does show remarkable fortitude throughout the whole process. I found myself very mixed in my feelings toward Vincient/Vera. On the one hand Vincient is a rapist who caused the eventual death of an innocent. On the other hand, he is really not a monster as much as a stupid and foolish boy and one begins to feel sorry for Vera, trapped as she is in her new skin and physical prison.

Eventually Vera frees herself from Ledgard and returns to the dress shop owned by her mother. The film ends simply with Vera saying to her mother: “I am Vincient”. At some level it is not clear in what sense that is really true. Vera appears in the dress shop nicely styled and wearing a lovely dress. She is clearly comfortable with her feminine self. She did not show up in short hair and male clothes.  In some ways Vera is a far stronger person that Vincient ever was having survived an harrowing adventure. Vincient whined when he was caught but Vera fights and schemes her way to freedom. One feels there is an inner steel that was never there with Vincient. Overall she seems far more at home in her skin than Vincient ever was in his.  One gets the sense that Vera will succeed in life far beyond what Vincient ever would have done. Perhaps Dr Ledgard, unwillingly, ended up doing Vincient a favor, redeeming him a way that Vincient would never have been able to do himself. Oddly enough it seems that the only “winner” in this sad tale is Vera (but not Vincient).


Forced Femininization – Why?

I have been reading various reviews of the movie “The Skin I Live In” trying to decide if I am going or not and doing so caused me to starting thinking about the popularity of the idea of forced femininization in the TG community. I visited some TG fiction sites and was once again struck by how many stories had forced feminization as the central theme. There are two sub-themes: one is that the guy is forced to crossdress for some harmless reason, such as needing an extra actress in a stage show. The guy then discovers he really likes it and ends up transitioning willingly. The other is that he is forced to crossdress or have a sex change as punishment for some bad behavior, usually towards women. The later tends to be considerably more violent. In both forms the guy often comes to love his new identify, although often in some dominated form in the later form.

I have often wondered why such such stories are so popular. As I noted, in my previous post, such stories have never really appealed to me (actually TG fiction in general does not appeal to me but such stories especially don’t appeal) but they do seem to have a large following. My usual explanation is that some TGs are basically ashamed of their condition and hence can enjoy being “female” only if “forced”. Their behavior is excused since it was not something voluntary, they were “made to do it”. Hence such stories appeal to them as a way of expressing what they feel. At one level it sort of makes sense, though perhaps a little sad.

Sometimes, though,  I wonder if something darker is going on . The notion that being “female identified” is somehow degrading. That to make a male into a female is the surpreme punishment. In many of the stories with a forced sex change, the post op woman is further degraded in some way, perhaps being forced to be a prostitute or sex slave or perhaps just drawn to guys who will mistreat her. They are seldom successful a CEO after their transformation. I find these story lines really disturbing and I really don’t get them. Do some TGs really hate themselves so much? Do they also hate women at some level?

At this point, I don’t have a really good answer as to why such stories exist at all. I wonder how many TGs are actually attracted to such stories. Perhaps only a small, but visible , part of the community is interested in such stories. I also wonder if there is some generational thing going on, perhaps it is a leftover of a time in which TGs stayed much more hidden and there was more shame associated with it. With TGs appearing on prime time TV, such as Chaz Bono, perhaps the notion of having to be forced to cross dress or transition for it to be okay, is much less necessary. In any case for those of us drawn to the female, its hard to see why we need to be forced or degraded along the way. Perhaps what we need are stories in which we are forced not to crossdress or transition. The problem is that many of us would find such stories too true to real life to be entertaining.