First, I would like to thank Denaë for allowing me to post these few words on her blog. I have worked with Denaë for a couple of years, and the following lines reflect some of what I have learned that work for me.
Since I accepted my feminine side, I have set out to achieve balance between the female and male parts of me. I have maintained a successful career and family life coupled with serious work on my feminine persona.
As in my career, I have invested time and money to get the best professional help possible to enhance my femaleness. I work with a personal shopper to coordinate my wardrobe. I have learned from a makeup consultant how to enhance my beauty without looking overdone. Denaë has worked with me on my voice, poise, and feminine movement. She has helped me evoke my “inner woman”, allowing “her” the freedom to experience and enjoy her femininity. Equally important, I observe how “natural” women present themselves and interact with each other and their surroundings. I work to integrate those observations with what I have learned to improve.
I think all of us have had similar experiences when we started our journey in trans-ness. With pent-up energy, we have tried to make up for our lost “girl time”. We express girl selves in extremis—wearing full makeup, big hair blonde wigs, cocktail dresses—irrespective of the situation and circumstance. These activities are definitely fun. Just ask any woman, genetic or otherwise, but they are not an end in themselves.
I have found that true joy in expressing my feminine side comes from enjoying lunch or coffee, while dressed, with my spouse or another woman friend. I have attended concerts, plays, the ballet, art exhibits, and other cultural events while dressed. At each event, I have interacted with other patrons, chatting about the venue, the performance, or quality of the exhibit. I find these experiences very rewarding, and a confirmation of my feminine side and the work I have done blending it with my male self.
The classical Greek philosopher Aristotle taught moderation in all things. We trans-people cannot deny our maleness any more than we can deny “the woman within”. To deny either can lead to dysfunctional, even tragic, results. We each must work daily to achieve balance, from which we will gain the great reward of a happy life.